Good Bye Uncle Mario

Buried Uncle Mario yesterday. It is stating the obvious ; but it needs to be stated that funerals are so damned sad! Especially within the Greek Orthodox church
Uncle Mario was a cousin to my late father Constantine .
They knew themselves as first cousins although no blood ties exist ,as far as I understand my paternal grandfather and Uncle Mario's mother were both orphans who were brought up together in the same household in Cyprus as brother and sister. And from that tie Uncle Mario's sons and my brothers have always known each other as cousins.


Uncle Mario must have been one of the first people I remember as a relative in London when we arrived here in the late 1950's. He was always technically gifted , worked in electronics , used to service Dad's Power amplifiers and seemed to be able to turn his hand to anything technical . He seemed able to build a house or a car by himself. I also have fond memories of being driven home by him in a Morris Minor in the sixties , must have been my first experiences of being in a motor car. Not many people used to drive in those days.
Drifted apart from Mario himself in the last years but kept in touch with his son's George and Mike . He had a severe stroke some years ago and lived as a disabled person for many years ,his wife having to do everything for him. I never visited him then ,so I still have memories of him being very able.


As agreed the night before , George, My brother ,his wife Sue and Mum came over to my place at about 11.00.AM to pick me up as the funeral service was to take place at my name sake: Church of St Demetrios , Town Road , Edmonton , London N9 .

When we arrived Uncle Mario was already boxed up and laid out on trestles in the church alter,a priest and backing vocalists chanting the funeral rite in Byzantine
style. Incense was being burned and every so often the priest swung his lantern in the direction of Mario's coffin the mourners , at least hundred or more did the sign of the cross on their chest. I no longer take part in this and just stand or sit motionless. Having decided long ago that I don't recognise any church ,or its Hocus Pocus ,I feel it right only to go so far with these rituals .



The priest was an English man I was informed , he gave various parts of the sermon in Greek and English . Long after the funeral I debated with Sue this conversion to Greek Orthodoxy seemed bizarre , we agreed that it is mystery why anyone would be attracted to joining the Greek Orthodox church let alone work for it . To convert to Buddhism or some branch of Hinduism seemed kind of normal for a westerner , but Greek Orthodox we agreed seemed strange.

So the priest chanted and chanted , George told me how much he did not want to leave his mortal coil in this manner, so impersonal and generalised only several references to the deceased man's name with the emphasis on 'Christian' (If I remember , Mario was an atheist....... ) . I replied that I agreed and we better both make it clear or we may get this treatment by default .......How can one ever rest with such a send off?.

The main gist of t he priest's chanting was that Now , Mario had 'gone to sleep' which seemed not to express the Greek word which is used for death and sleep somehow. And when he kept on repeating that Mario has just 'gone to sleep 'it reminded me of the explanations the very young infants get when a family member dies. This prompts the next question , will he wake up then? And yes, the priest continued in the Typically Greek Orthodox depressing and repetitive manner to state that Mario had gone to sleep but will wake up. We were comforted by the notion that when Christ comes again in glory , those who believed and did not sin will reunite with their bodies (spiritual bodies) and have an everlasting joy in heaven ....I'm not sure it was heaven or earth as there seemed some contradictions in what he was saying , also although the sinful will be excluded from this club , they too do have a last minute choice to sign up and what do you know? their mischief or evil deeds will all be forgotten and we shall all be happy.............Not very fair for those that tried hard never to sin all their lives . Hold on ! what's that ?, It's Uncle Nick ,Mario's brother (affectionately known as 'Red' for his passionate Marxist views) , He got up from his seat , shaking his head and tutting in disapproval , then walked out of the church in an almost stage managed kind of manner .I almost laughed out loud for a minute and thought that would have been excellent to record on my video camera phone.



Eventually the chanting stopped ,the mourners lined up and had their turn at paying last respects . As I walked past , I touched the coffin , kissed it , and thought , good bye Mario , just thinking about what he meant to me and how long I have known him. We moved on to kiss the closest family members and offer condolences .

Next was the journey to Southgate Cemetery , Just pondered on how many people I know that are buried there ....... strange to think that I know so many there and that many others will end up there . I must make sure that I don't end up there , just don't really like the idea of taking so much space and having so much running costs. Must get this written down one day . I was chatting with Sue on the journey there ,about cardboard coffins and forest funerals , I did hear about this and sounds like it is the funeral of choice for me. ( this is beginning to sound like a will) , must look into that one again and make a proper will and finish with all this putting it off .

As we parked in the Cemetery , I could hear Irish Auntie Josie who long ago has already purchased a plot there . I could hear her say : 'Look there's so many people moved in !' as she had not been there for a long time and noticed new grave stones everywhere . The whole thing sounded like some kind of property market ..( I couldn't help imagining the shades of the dead coming out at nights asking each other whether they had got a good bargain for today's prices ).


So Mario was lowered to the ground and that's when the weeping was heard the most , his wife had cared for him many years in his long lasting moribund state, yet the separation was audibly painful . The sons and some others lowered the coffin to its ditch and again the priest waved his incense and chanted prayers as we took our turn in walking by and throwing in some Earth. This moment was the most emotionally tense and the atmosphere turned quite morbid .



After the coffin was lowered to the ground , the atmosphere lightened somewhat and resembled the day's weather which was , cold , dry , bitter but covered with a pervasive brightness. Halloumi cheese , olives , Cypriot bread and St John's Comanderie dessert wine were dished out and people chatted , it was an opportunity to see some cousins from this part of the family that I had not seen for years .


An hour or more at the cemetery and the convoy eventually headed for Auntie Christina's house (Mario's widow).It was only about a quarter of a mile away from my own house and it just occurred to me now that so near yet , all those years , I did not visit . I should have , maybe before he got the massive stroke , as people don't really want to be seen by everyone in that state (if they can make such a decision that is ) yet in reality I know that I would not go there as that's just the way things are , we are destined to meet with many people of a wider circle only in weddings , christenings or funerals.

The house seemed quite small and over crowded , the atmosphere was relaxed and I could see how Mario's wife had over come for now the major part of her grief for today and had time to smile and chat . There was plenty of food and drink and after an hour or so , I got restless and started to nag the driver to get going . George was in the conservatory , or back garden (that's where people who commit the deadly most evil sin of smoking a cigarette go) .



We said our good byes and left . Mum George and Sue came over to my place for a coffee and eventually left,it must have been coming on to four o'clock in the afternoon, what a long day . All I wanted to do now after feeling so drained was to
'go to sleep' but not in the sense that the young priest used the phrase . I did intend to wake up a few times yet before I get sentenced to being a living dead man without a body waiting for Christ and hoping I did join the club at the right time! . It still doesn't make sense , the meaninglessness is no clearer , the make believe can help as long as we convince ourselves that it is not make believe , for the rest of us we are cursed for having our own minds.

Good bye Uncle Mario .